Ask Shrimsley: Should I try ‘raw-dogging’?
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I admit that I had to google this. “Raw-dogging” does not sound like something a respectable chap should be doing, especially when you discover that apparently the current craze is to do it on aeroplanes. It doesn’t sound like something suited to polite company, though that probably still leaves scope for Ryanair. In fact, however, it’s a perfectly decorous pastime, as long as you understand that it is also one of the stupidest fads ever invented.
Put simply, raw-dogging on planes is flying without making use of any of the usual distractions of in-flight movies, music, computer games or books. You simply sit upright staring at the seat in front of you or, if you are lucky, the flight map. The more extreme devotees also refuse food, which is quite counter-intuitive, since a raw dog sounds like one of the meal options. Some even try to avoid using the bathrooms or walking around. This is a craze so daft that it is almost impossible to believe that Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t come up with it.
Naturally this practice is largely celebrated by men, who see it as some kind of virility test designed to prove their mental strength. Although, having watched some truly terrible in-flight movies in my time, I feel they too often require a certain mental toughness. Sitting through anything with Jason Statham after watching Snatch is pretty much the equivalent of competing in a triathlon.
Anyway, a certain type of man has taken to posting details of their raw-dogging accomplishments on social media. One music producer apparently raw-dogged for 15 hours on a flight to Melbourne. The Manchester City striker Erling Haaland recently posted a picture of himself sitting bolt upright, staring blankly ahead, boasting that he had just raw-dogged a seven-hour flight: “No phone, no sleep, no water, no food, only map. #easy.”
Clearly he encouraged someone to photograph him raw-dogging, though, which feels like an unacceptable interaction with a fellow passenger, but let’s not quibble. It is still a heroically moronic thing to do. The term itself originally meant doing something without protection or support, and therefore it is also a slang term for unprotected sex. If consensual, this would definitely be a better way to pass time on the flight, but the logistics are going to be tricky and the queue for the bathrooms in economy will be a bit of a dampener. On the other hand, if you can keep that activity going for 15 hours on a flight to Melbourne, well, respect.
Apparently devotees of this soon-to-be-forgotten practice (the no-distractions thing, not the sex thing) think it reveals the power of the mind and offers some kind of digital detox, though so does a book. Not moving around also offers exciting possibilities for deep-vein thrombosis, though obviously your newfound mental fortitude will get you through that too.
Obviously this is not a craze for people with families. There have definitely been moments when the spawn were young when I might have enjoyed raw-dogging a long-haul flight, but the consequences would have been my wife giving me the same treatment for the rest of the holiday. I was once lucky enough to be allotted a seat apart from the family on a particularly busy flight and I paid for that for several hours after we landed.
And yet you can totally see how this twaddle appeals to a certain type of boasting, competitive male — the Strava and Runkeeper crowd. You can just imagine the Middle-Aged Men in Lycra (the Mamils) posting their times on the new Raw Dog app that even now someone must be making. We should also consider whether you should handicap the achievements by cabin class. Raw-dogging in business class is clearly easier. You need to be considerably tougher to get through four hours in cattle class than 10 hours in Club. Perhaps, we need to raise the bar on this craze. There must be other challenges. Raw-dogging while on hold waiting to talk to your bank should be a contender.
In every respect, this nonsense is further proof of the descent of man. I’m sure there must be women stupid enough to do this too but there are some areas where gender stereotyping still holds true. Maybe raw-dogging on a flight is a perfect way to clear your head. Or perhaps the heads to which this fad appeals have less in them to declutter in the first place.
Email Robert at [email protected]
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