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Alyson Stoner reveals she went to ‘gay conversion therapy’ after coming out

As Pride Month comes to a close, Alyson Stoner is opening up about struggles with her sexuality, which lead to her trying ‘gay conversion therapy.

The 27-year-old dancer and actress came out in 2018 and identifies as pansexual, revealed in an interview with Insider that the first time she fell for a women conflicted with her deeply religious background.

She opened up about admitting herself to an ‘outpatient version’ of conversion therapy, an experience so painful she called it, ‘legitimately difficult’ to revisit.

Opening up: As Pride Month comes to a close, Alyson Stoner is opening up about struggles with her sexuality, which lead to her trying ‘gay conversion therapy

Difficult: She opened up about admitting herself to an 'outpatient version' of conversion therapy, an experience so painful she called it, 'legitimately difficult' to revisit

Difficult: She opened up about admitting herself to an ‘outpatient version’ of conversion therapy, an experience so painful she called it, ‘legitimately difficult’ to revisit

‘I felt stuck. I felt wretched. I felt like everything was wrong with me, even though I, in my heart of hearts, only desired to be a devoted follower of God,’ she revealed. 

‘So to hear from people you trust, from people you respect, from people you might even aspire to become, that you at your core are ‘rotten,’ ‘abominable,’ that the devil has a target on your back because of your position in Hollywood… It just sends you into a spiral, at least for me, because I just wanted to do the right thing,’ she added.

She ultimately came to realize that these pastors have developed their views on queer people because of their own religious influences from a specific, ‘environment and time period.’

Stuck: 'I felt stuck. I felt wretched. I felt like everything was wrong with me, even though I, in my heart of hearts, only desired to be a devoted follower of God,' she revealed

Stuck: ‘I felt stuck. I felt wretched. I felt like everything was wrong with me, even though I, in my heart of hearts, only desired to be a devoted follower of God,’ she revealed

Influences: She ultimately came to realize that these pastors have developed their views on queer people because of their own religious influences from a specific, 'environment and time period'

Influences: She ultimately came to realize that these pastors have developed their views on queer people because of their own religious influences from a specific, ‘environment and time period’

When looking back at that time, she continued, ‘My mind doesn’t want to even go there. My legs started shaking at the thought of reliving some of it.’ 

She added, ‘I know firsthand how dangerous it is for me as someone who had access to therapy and other forms of support.’ 

‘And I still was considering whether my life was worth living or, if everything was wrong with me, then what good was it for me to be around, starting to see myself as someone who only brought harm to other people to society,’ Stoner said. 

Shaking: When looking back at that time, she continued, 'My mind doesn't want to even go there. My legs started shaking at the thought of reliving some of it'

Shaking: When looking back at that time, she continued, ‘My mind doesn’t want to even go there. My legs started shaking at the thought of reliving some of it’

Firsthand: She added, 'I know firsthand how dangerous it is for me as someone who had access to therapy and other forms of support'

Firsthand: She added, ‘I know firsthand how dangerous it is for me as someone who had access to therapy and other forms of support’

She added that kind of ‘therapy,’ ‘severs the mind-body connection because I see the body as something that is shameful, that is not to be trusted.’

Stoner said the conversion therapy altered her ability to, ‘foster genuine relationships with others and myself’ because she’s suppressing a voice. 

The dancer made it clear that the damage done by this kind of therapy is ‘measurable’ and has lead to people taking their own lives.

Severs: She added that kind of 'therapy,' 'severs the mind-body connection because I see the body as something that is shameful, that is not to be trusted'

Severs: She added that kind of ‘therapy,’ ‘severs the mind-body connection because I see the body as something that is shameful, that is not to be trusted’

Altered: Stoner said the conversion therapy altered her ability to, 'foster genuine relationships with others and myself' because she's suppressing a voice

Altered: Stoner said the conversion therapy altered her ability to, ‘foster genuine relationships with others and myself’ because she’s suppressing a voice

‘Even if someone comes out of it on the other side and says, ‘Hey, no, I’m living a great life,’ there are scars there. There are shadows,’ she said.

No 

Stoner’s new book Mind Body Pride is currently available through AlysonStoner.com, with 100% of the sales donated to LGBTQIA+ youth wellness initiatives.

Shadows: 'Even if someone comes out of it on the other side and says, 'Hey, no, I'm living a great life,' there are scars there. There are shadows,' she said

Shadows: ‘Even if someone comes out of it on the other side and says, ‘Hey, no, I’m living a great life,’ there are scars there. There are shadows,’ she said

Not capable: 'So yes, I'm not capable yet of going back and recounting specifics, which is an indicator of just how difficult that chapter was for me,' she added

Not capable: ‘So yes, I’m not capable yet of going back and recounting specifics, which is an indicator of just how difficult that chapter was for me,’ she added


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