In a candid interview with Scary Mommy, Teigen revealed how her daughter Luna, five, and son Miles, three, have been coping after she tragically lost their brother 20 weeks into her pregnancy last year.
Teigen, 35, admitted she will bring Jack’s ashes with them and that her children will even give him a glass of water after their long journey.
‘Don’t forget baby Jack’: Chrissy Teigen has revealed her two children insist on taking the ashes of their late baby brother Jack with them on trips
‘Whether we go on a vacation or something, they always say, “Don’t forget baby Jack.” And then I have to pack him up. And then we get to where we’re going, they’re like, “Oh my gosh, he must be thirsty.” This might sound crazy to people, but they’ll put a little glass of water next to his little box of ashes. And they really love being a part of it.’
Teigen’s kids have even drawn him as an angel at school.
‘At school when they draw things, they draw him as an angel. We talk about it a lot,’ she said.
Receiving their son’s ashes also helped their children accept the loss of their brother.
‘He must be thirsty’: Teigen, 35, admitted she will bring Jack’s ashes with them on trips and that her children will even give him a glass of water after their long journey
Teigen also admitted her children were already aware something was amiss in the days leading up to the tragedy.
‘They saw the experience of the home ultrasounds and the nervousness of “This isn’t going well.” Or it was me going to the bathroom, and Luna would be at the door when I came out, and she would say, “Are you bleeding still?” She knew everything. So there was going to be no escaping it, even if I wanted to.
‘We told them that we lost him, but it wasn’t really until we got his ashes back, I think, that they started to be able to say, “OK, this happened. Here he is now. He didn’t make it.” It was something for them to be able to put a story to, where we could say, “OK, Jack is in here and he is going to stay with us.
‘And maybe one day we might release him. And he loves that we still think about him, and he loves that we’re still emotional about him, but more than anything, he loves that we talk about him. That makes him really excited and really happy.” So they know that he’s still very much a part of our lives.’
She believes neither she nor her children will ever fully comprehend why the tragedy occurred.
Devastating: Teigen announced last year she had lost her son Jack 20 weeks into her pregnancy
‘I don’t think they’ll ever quite understand why he didn’t make it, in the way that I don’t understand. I had a placental abruption, and I keep having to ask my doctor, “OK, but why? Why wasn’t it able to work? Why didn’t we just keep going?” And they were like, “We physically would’ve run out of blood in the hospital. Were we going to do that for 20 weeks in the hospital?” That’s still something that I’m coming to terms with, why we gave up.’
Her perceptive children will even ask if she is thinking of Jack on her off days.
‘Honestly, the [kids] still catch me in a funk some days. And the first thing they go to is, “Is it baby Jack?”‘
She also admitted the devastating loss had led her to change her lifestyle around for the better.
‘I needed to be shaken up, and I needed to be humbled,’ she admitted. ‘Before I had gotten pregnant with Jack, I wasn’t living a healthy life. The way I was treating my body was not great, with the alcohol. I was the kind of person that made fun of working out and made fun of my friends that were obsessed with their CrossFit.
‘I don’t hold any anger’: She also credited her calm state of mind to all the therapy she had been undergoing; pictured with husband John Legend at the 2021 Tony Awards
‘I just wasn’t reading my body well. So I feel like if I [had] got[ten] the chance to have him, I wouldn’t have learned how precious life is and how precious my body is. Now I look at my body as something that I can’t yell at and I can’t be upset with. It’s gotten through so much, and so much more than people even know. What it has persevered through has been incredible.’
She also credited her calm state of mind to all the therapy she had been undergoing: ‘I don’t hold any anger, and I attribute that to so much therapy. I was kind of an angry brat before. I would get riled up at the smallest things. […] Even at a restaurant or something, and I’d always have my guard up. I’d always be watching for people that were taking sneaky videos or taking pictures.
‘I was a jealous person. Whether it was other people’s successes — I was not bad to my friends, but I wasn’t good in the way of communication, and it was kind of a thing where my friends had to accept that I was going to be in and out. Something that always loomed over me was that I always wanted to be a better friend. My world tends to be very closed off.
Heartbreak: Teigen announced on September 30, 2020 that she and her husband John Legend had lost their baby days after she was admitted to the hospital with severe bleeding
‘[After Jack died] I wasn’t getting out very much — depression can throw you, obviously. You’re hellbent on doing what you can to not be seen and not be a part of the world, and I was making myself so small by being sad and angry and bitter.’
Nowadays, the model feels more like a ‘whole’ person who loves going on staycations with her children and embracing the little things in life.
‘I just feel more like [a] complete, whole person. It’s silly, but it’s really the little things. I love listening to music, and I love driving my kids around and taking them for a little staycation, like I did this last weekend, and that wouldn’t have happened a year ago. I feel like I’m a better mom, I’m a better wife, and I’m a better friend. I love being a part of the world.’
Teigen announced on September 30, 2020 that she and her husband John Legend had lost their baby days after she was admitted to the hospital with severe bleeding.
Chrissy dedicated her new cookbook, Cravings: All Together: Recipes To Love, to her late son. She and her husband also got his name tattooed on their wrists.
To Jack: Chrissy dedicated her new cookbook, Cravings: All Together: Recipes To Love, to her late son