Joey Essex and Alison Hammond discussed the deaths of their mother’s in an emotional interview on Wednesday’s episode of This Morning.
The former TOWIE star, 30, was 10 when his mother Tina died by suicide while Alison, 46, lost her mother Maria earlier this year after a battle with liver and lung cancer.
Joey comforted Alison during the emotional chat when he said he believes losing his mum at a young age is part of the reason why he hasn’t found someone yet as Alison fought back tears while thinking of her own mum’s passing.
Emotional: Joey Essex and Alison Hammond discussed the deaths of their mother’s in an emotional interview on Wednesday’s episode of This Morning
He said: ‘For sure, with the trust issues. I go into relationships not trusting a girl before I get to that stage… its like a barrier. Because my mum loved me to pieces but she left me.’
Joey also said he only has one black and white image of his mother at home, saying: ‘It doesn’t look like real life – I’m scared to put a colourful one up.’
Joey has filmed a BBC documentary about dealing with his grief over his mother’s passing.
Speaking about the special, Alison said: ‘First, I didn’t know your mum had taken her life and secondly watching you be honest self was refreshing.. why do it?’
Heartbreaking: Joey comforted Alison during the emotional chat where he said he believes losing his mum at a young age is part of the reason why he hasn’t found someone yet
Joey said: ‘I realised by the time I was 27 I started saying the word mum and was acknowledging it, put a picture up in my house for the first time.
‘I had been too scared to look at it. Coming around 30, my manager clocked on I was saying the word mum…. Never talk about it let alone do this.
He added: [I] didn’t really want to do it. [the doc], but felt like I needed too. Selfishly a bit to help myself too. Hopefully this can help others as well.. bereaved families and children.’
Joey also confirmed he’s had therapy, saying: ‘I’ve had it behind closed doors but always walked in and out never taken seriously. Felt anger, guilt, scared, paranoid.
Emotional: The Only Way Is Essex star was just 10 years old when his mother Tina took her own life (pictured together)
Family: Alison, 46, lost her mother Maria earlier this year after a battle with liver and lung cancer
‘I wouldn’t trust.. even today I have massive trust issues. Talking to a therapist scared me at the time but realised later in life.’
Alison became emotional as she discussed her own mother’s passing as well as her hopes for Joey finding love in the future.
She said: ‘When I watched it, it stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t lose my mum age 10, I lost my mum as an adult.
‘But there was a moment you said ‘I’d give all of the fame and the fortune up for one hour with my mum.”
Joey said: ‘I go into relationships not trusting a girl before I get to that stage… its like a barrier. Because my mum loved me to pieces but she left me’ (pictured with Alison and Dermot O’Leary)
Her voice began to break as she added: ‘It just killed me. It’s killing me now… sorry.’
Joey said he wanted to give her a hug but couldn’t because of Covid social distancing rules.
Elsewhere during the chat, Joey told how he suffered from panic attacks as a child which started back again after he found fame on TOWIE.
He said: ‘I had a panic attack just before going to see the therapist.. as got older started dealing with it and my doctor told me how to cope with them.
‘When I first came into the public eye started coming again [the panic attacks]. As a child my family couldn’t work it out, this kid was saying crazy things.’
Candid: Joey also confirmed he’s had therapy, saying: ‘I’ve had it behind closed doors but always walked in and out never taken seriously. Felt anger, guilt, scared, paranoid
It comes after Joey recently spoke of the pain he was feeling over the death of his mother at the same time he was rocketing to fame on The Only Way Is Essex.
He said: ‘I was still a kid really, I had failed at all these jobs, and then it was like, boom, I was on TOWIE.
‘So all that heartache and pain of not being able to work, I didn’t know who to run to, I had no money, nothing, and then the next minute, boom, everyone knew me in England, I was the most famous boy in the UK, everyone knew my name, I had loads of money coming in.
‘It was crazy for me. And I was dealing with pain at that time, which no one knew about.
Honest: Joey recently spoke about the pain he was feeling over the death of his mother at the same time he was rocketing to fame on The Only Way Is Essex
‘It was still there, trust me. It was hard. It was overwhelming for me, I couldn’t believe it, and all I was thinking was, ‘I wish my mum was here. What is this? Why is this happening?’
‘It was crazy. I always knew something like this was going happen to me. I always said this, I always knew that something was going to happen to me, but I just couldn’t work it out because my mum wasn’t around and although it was great, and it kept my mind busy, I was still sad, and I always have had this sadness in me.’
Joey said losing his mother at such a young age made him the person he is today, but also made him realise he had been playing a role of being tough.
He added: ‘I’ve always seen life is like I’ve got nothing to lose anymore, nothing can ever hurt me.
‘That’s why I’ve got this strong mentality which people don’t know because people don’t see that.
Hidden grief: The reality TV star (pictured with his father Don) said while he was shooting to fame after starring on the hit TV show he struggled to understand it and found it overwhelming without his mother’s help
‘What you see is some funny (person) with white teeth smiling on TV, p****** about all the time, but the reality of it is I’m very thick-skinned, I’m very tough and I’ve been brought up by a very tough family as well.
‘Going into this, I had the same mentality, of, ‘It’s just another show, it will be fine’.
‘And it’s so crazy, I’m not even lying to myself – that is my personality, ‘I’m tough, I’m this, I’m that,’ and that’s probably why I’ve never spoke about it.
‘Then going into the documentary and taking it head-on, I think I’ve realised that I have been playing this role of, ‘I’m this, I’m that, I’m tough’.
Disguise: Joey (pictured cousin Chloe Sims) said while TOWIE was a welcomed distraction from his pain the sadness was still present
‘I had to open up about it, and I found that out, throughout the documentary, that sometimes your mind can play games with you.’
He continued: ‘I find it hard to watch the doc but you actually see me take a deep breath before I actually unload and open up to the therapist.
‘And I think that was the moment for me when I finally took a turn in my head, to admit the truth, because I was on the verge of turning the whole show upside down at one point, the whole doc and running away from it.’
Joey Essex: Grief And Me is on BBC One at 9pm on June 3 and from BBC Three on iPlayer from 6am.
Cover up: Joey said taking part in the documentary made him realise he was playing part of someone who was tough