Admitting she felt she would ‘never love my child’, the Loose Women star, 31, revealed she still feels ‘tremendous guilt’ and wishes she’d loved Zachary, now 12, ‘from the very minute’ he was born.
Stacey explained she ‘just didn’t feel it’ when she welcomed her first child into the world, and often thinks: ‘Wow, I was terrible when I had Zach’.
Brave: Stacey Solomon, 31, has opened up about her battle with postnatal depression after giving birth to her first son Zach when she was 18 (Stacey pictured in 2008 with her mother)
Bravely opening up about her mental health while speaking on Bryony Gordon’s Mad World podcast, Stacey insisted: ‘I don’t look back and regret anything because what’s the point in that, it won’t get me anywhere.’
The doting mother said in full: ‘I definitely have moments now with Zachy where I think “Oh, I wish I loved you from the very minute.”
‘Not that I didn’t, I’m sure I did, I just didn’t feel it, and I didn’t get it.’
She continued: ‘And it brings me tremendous guilt – especially when I love my other children when they’re born, I love them and this is amazing – I immediately think: “Wow, I was terrible when I had Zach.”
‘But it is what it is, I can’t change it – it’s just the way I felt, it made me prepared every other time I’ve given birth.’
Candid: Admitting she felt she would ‘never love my child’, the Loose Women star revealed she still feels ‘tremendous guilt’ (pictured: Stacey and her three sons L-R, Zach, Rex and Leighton)
Stacey further explained: ‘I was prepared to feel that way, and i knew it would pass – which is just the most comforting feeling, because when I was in it with Zach I genuinely thought: “I’m never going to be happy again, and I’ll never love my child” and it made me feel horrendous.’
The mother-of-three, who has Zachary and Leighton, eight, from previous relationships and shares Rex, 23 months, with fiancé Joe Swash, revealed she felt the same way when she welcomed her third son, but was better equipped to handle those emotions.
She explained: ‘When I had Rex I got exactly the same feelings, just gut-wrenching, deeply unhappy for no reason… I’m so happy but deeply unhappy and uncontrollably sobbing all the time.
Family: Stacey has Zachary and Leighton, eight, from previous relationships and shares Rex, 23 months, with fiancé Joe Swash
‘But at least I knew while I was going through that that I would come out of it, so there were positives to come out of that.
‘But I really wish I didn’t feel like that, but it’s just who I am I suppose.’
Stacey also insisted she’ll always be ‘a teenage mum from Dagenham’.
‘I will always be a teenage mum from Dagenham,’ she said.
‘I was the girl on the bus with a baby and everyone was tutting at me – because I looked like a baby with a baby.’
Elsewhere, the former X Factor star has been working hard to turn her new £1.2million Essex mansion into a forever home for her family.
On Friday, Stacey unveiled her impressive bathroom makeover.
She updated the vintage-style room with a slick of blue paint, white panels and accessories from both Dunelm and Primark.
Stunning: Stacey unveiled her impressive bathroom makeover on Friday at her new £1.2million Essex dream home
Finishing touches: Capturing the interior design progress to her Instagram account, she explained how she updated the space and attached links to all of the products she purchased
Capturing the interior design progress to her Instagram account, Stacey explained how she updated the space and attached links to all of the products she purchased.
She captured her new bathroom items, all in a soft golden tone, including a £10 toilet brush holder, a £12 brass towel ring and a £10 brass toilet roll holder.
The former singer also invested in a £5 Egyptian cotton hand towel in a blue colour, in-keeping with the serene bathroom decor.
Showing off her new wooden corner shelves purchased on Amazon, Stacey detailed how to mount the items on the wall.
She said: ‘Screw on the base (screw each screw in a little bit to make sure they’re in the right place before screwing them all tightly). Shelf on [tick emoji], accessories [tick emoji].’
Stacey and Joe moved into their sprawling new home in March.
Sweet: The former X Factor star has been working hard to turn her new £1.2million Essex mansion into a forever home for her family