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Boyfriend gives long-term girlfriend ultimatum to improve in three months or he will break up

An anonymous woman has revealed her boyfriend was threatening to break up with her if she didn’t improve on her sexual intimacy, emotional baggage and her looks within three months.

Taking Reddit to for advice, the anonymous woman, 25, believed to be from the US, said she had been in a relationship with her boyfriend, 25, for three years.

She revealed that she has recently been working on self-improvement and has lost 40lbs over the last year as well as recovering from mental illness and is beginning to address her childhood trauma after she was molested.

However, the woman said while their relationship has been ‘mostly great’, her boyfriend has said that he would like her to lose more weight and for them to have more sex.

She explained that he has given her three months to ‘improve’ or he will end the relationship – but commentators have insisted she should break it off with him.

An anonymous woman, believed to be from the US, revealed her boyfriend was threatening to break up with her if she didn’t improve on her sexual intimacy, emotional baggage and her looks within three months (file image)

Explaining her dilemma, she wrote: ‘My boyfriend of three years said that if I don’t improve on intimacy, baggage, and looks in three months, he will end our relationship. I am already trying to improve. Should I try harder or should I move on?’

‘My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for three years, and it has been mostly great. We don’t fight a lot, have lots in common, and have similar enough values and goals in life. 

‘Lately, he has gotten really into self-improvement and being his best self by buying better clothes, going to therapy, and exercising. I am very happy for him and have been encouraging him to improve himself.’

She went on to detail her own troubles over the past few years and her journey to improve her mental and physical heath, writing: ‘I have also started working on self-improvement, but it has been a long journey. 

‘Throughout our relationship, I have gone through many issues: depression, anxiety, a rocky relationship with my dad, two psychotic episodes, and in more recent months “unlocked” a memory of childhood trauma (molestation). I am no longer mentally ill, but I am now processing my trauma and moving forward.

Taking Reddit to for advice, the woman, 25, said she had been in a relationship with her boyfriend, 25, for three years and while it has been 'mostly great', her boyfriend has said that he would like her to lose more weight and for them to have more sex

Taking Reddit to for advice, the woman, 25, said she had been in a relationship with her boyfriend, 25, for three years and while it has been ‘mostly great’, her boyfriend has said that he would like her to lose more weight and for them to have more sex

‘In the last year, I have lost 40 lbs, and I feel much better about myself! Even though I am still overweight, I am healthier and am at a place where I can say I am improving. 

‘I have a good job, take care of myself more, and try to exercise when I can. I have finally come to a place where I can love myself and my body for what I have, and I feel confident and attractive for the first time in years.’

However, the woman revealed that despite her efforts, it ‘does not reflect well in [her] relationship’ saying that they are on different pages when it comes to sex. 

She continued: ‘I don’t have a high sex drive, and my boyfriend does. Part of me finds sex disgusting and shameful, but those are trauma reactions that I am working through. 

‘He would ideally have sex every day, but I can do around three days a week. I said that I could do more, but it would take me a while to adjust, especially since many people can hear us, which makes me uncomfortable.’ 

Reddit users rushed to the comments to give advice on the situation, with many encouraging her to be the one to end the relationship saying the three-month deadline was his way of making it her fault that the relationship ended

Reddit users rushed to the comments to give advice on the situation, with many encouraging her to be the one to end the relationship saying the three-month deadline was his way of making it her fault that the relationship ended

She also revealed that although she has lost 40 pounds in weight and has overcome some body confidence issues to come ‘closer to accepting’ herself, her boyfriend would like her to work harder to lose more weight.

The woman wrote: ‘Finally, we arrive at my looks. I have never been particularly attractive, and this has led to self-esteem issues that I am working on now. I have therapy, I keep up with hygiene, I take care of my looks, and I am still trying to lose weight. 

‘I have come closer to accepting myself and my body and improving what I can. But my boyfriend says that he would like me to lose more weight. He says that if he can work 16-hour workdays, come home to exercise and eat, then he expects me to do it too.

‘With the whole body acceptance movement and me being more confident, I thought that I looked good enough for him to find me attractive. But now, it’s like what I knew and valued flew out the door.’ 

She concluded her post by asking members of the forum if she should work harder to improve herself or if her boyfriend is a bad partner and she deserves better.

Reddit users rushed to the comments to give advice on the situation, with many encouraging her to be the one to end the relationship. 

The woman ultimately decided to end her relationship and returned to Reddit to thank those who had helped her revealing that after the break he went back to playing video games

One person wrote: ‘He’s looking for a way out. His ultimatum is hurtful and designed to absolve himself from the responsibility of the relationship ending… Save him the time. Tell him his ultimatum reflects his lack of love and respect for you. He should go ahead and leave.’

Another user wrote: ‘Your relationship is already over. He’s just trying to make all the problems your fault before it’s over so he doesn’t feel guilty for leaving.’

A third added: ‘This is a narcissist projecting insecurities onto you. Not only that but he is controlling you and making you feel like less of a person because of it. The more narcissist projects insecurities, the more they make you feel like no one else will you except them… 

‘It could also be that he’s just using that as a way to break up with you instead of actually saying he wants to break up. I have been through similar. Please stay safe.’ 

The woman ultimately decided to break up with her boyfriend and returned to Reddit to thank those who had helped her and give them an update, writing: ‘I realized my worth and broke up with him. This started the beginning of improving my own toxic patterns. I am now living my best life, happier than ever!’

 

A stream of responses advised the woman to take time focusing on herself and the other relationships in her life

A stream of responses advised the woman to take time focusing on herself and the other relationships in her life 

In her post she revealed that she had never broken up with a partner before due to her ‘low self-worth’ and said she used to think she ‘deserved the bad relationships’ and poor treatment she received.

After one user asked how the boyfriend reacted to the break-up, she replied that he took it ‘a little too calm’ and went back to playing video games with his friends. 

In response a Reddit user wrote: ‘Well, if that ain’t proof of a bullet dodged I don’t know what is!’

‘I always love a happy ending! Enjoy being single, and focus on yourself, your friends and your family for a while. It’s such a wonderful and underrated part of life,’ another said.

A third added: ‘A relationship deadline isn’t bad for either person. It’s a way to hold oneself accountable to remove themselves from a bad situation where there isn’t compatibility, compromise, compassion or whatever essential ingredient missing.

‘Often times we don’t break up out of fear of being alone or too comfortable, but if it’s going to add value to your life, it’s the decisions you need to make. Good for you for moving on. You probably now have a better idea of what you like and don’t like.’ 


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