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PLATELL’S PEOPLE: They should have called it Old, Sexless And Woke in The City…

For millions of us fans of the original Sex And The City series, finally sitting down to watch the much-hyped reboot 20 years on was like getting ready for the Second Coming.

But few had any inkling of the horror that was to come.

The girls we knew and loved — vivacious, fun-filled Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and Charlotte (Kristin Davis) — still dress like they’re 30. But they’ve been gruesomely transformed into a trio of surgically enhanced harridans lamenting missed opportunities and moaning that ‘this is what 55 looks like’.

Not for most us it doesn’t.

We may be getting on but in the main we embrace our age and relish it. No mid-life women I know have let themselves go like Carrie and Co in this new series And Just Like That.

The plot includes Miranda being incontinent and constantly desperate for the loo. Goodness, she’s in her early 50s, not her 80s!

Kristin Davis, Sarah Jessica Parker and Cynthia Nixon on the set of ‘And Just Like That…’ the follow up series to ‘Sex and the City’

The big dilemma for Charlotte is what to do with her grey hair — should she carry on dyeing it; should she use hair extensions? Get over it, woman! Oh, and she’s struggling with the (yawn) modern-day storyline of a daughter who wants to dress as a boy.

Meanwhile, our heroine, the once feisty feminist and ex-New York newspaper columnist Carrie, is on a podcast with a transgender host asking her if she’s ever pleasured herself on public transport. As you do.

And since the inevitable criticism that the original SATC had an all-white cast, we now have a host of black characters chastising our gals for their white privilege. It is so tiresome, the reboot should have been titled Sexless And Woke In The City.

Most depressing is that the women we loved and laughed with should end up shallow, soulless — and all convinced they’re old before their time.

The magic of the show was the way it explored the friendship of a spirited, sexy, clever group of young women who were trying to find both themselves and, of course, love. We understood them and, crucially, identified with one character or another.

Twenty years on we hoped our magical heroines would be mellowed by wisdom and maturity. We wanted a window into the lives of real women a little more at ease with themselves. We didn’t want old crones trying to squeeze their bunions into Manolo Blahnik 6in heels.

The new show is miserable and depressing — and without a shred of humour. Although — spoiler alert for those who have not watched the first two episodes — I did get one laugh, when Carrie’s husband Mr Big died of a heart attack in the shower.

No need for method acting there, he just remembered how he felt when he first read the script.

Was it genuine regret as Allegra Stratton resigned, sobbing on the steps of her Islington home (pictured) ¿ or an application by the ex-Guardian journalist for a job back where she belongs on the luvvie Left?

Was it genuine regret as Allegra Stratton resigned, sobbing on the steps of her Islington home (pictured) — or an application by the ex-Guardian journalist for a job back where she belongs on the luvvie Left?

  • Was it genuine regret as Allegra Stratton resigned, sobbing on the steps of her Islington home — or an application by the ex-Guardian journalist for a job back where she belongs on the luvvie Left? As anyone in politics knows — and as Frankie Valli sang — big girls don’t cry.
  • Foreign Office whistle-blower Raphael Marshall says that, when Kabul fell, orders were given for animal charity worker Pen Farthing and his dogs to be evacuated ahead of Afghan translators, some of whom have since been murdered by the Taliban. Operation Pet Rescue with its specially chartered canine flight makes even people who care for animals howl at the injustice.
  • Is there not some method in the PM’s madness? Just as the nation rails against him for No 10’s ‘rule-breaking’ Christmas parties, he hands millions of workers a vote- winning, two-week Christmas holiday with his Plan B work-from-home diktat.

Jennifer Aniston has spoken for many other childless women by challenging those who say she put her career before motherhood: ‘You have no clue what’s going on with me personally or medically, why I can’t have kids,’ she says. ‘It was really hurtful and just nasty.’ Good on you, Jen. For my part, having spent many desperate years trying to conceive, I would have very happily given up my career in exchange for the chance of a child in my arms. 

Who knows if Ghislaine Maxwell was victim or vulture in Jeffrey Epstein’s evil empire?

I met her long ago — she was draped glamorously on the arm of her father, my then boss, Robert Maxwell.

It’s no surprise she ended up with sugar-daddy Epstein, who provided her with the mansions and private jets to which she was accustomed.

Because the one thing Ghislaine is guilty of is an addiction to being a pampered princess.

Now 79 and no longer able to perform on stage due to Parkinson’s disease, comedy legend Billy Connolly reminisces: ‘I’ve never really had an ‘I’ve made it moment’,’ adding that he’s still haunted by his impoverished Glasgow childhood and being abused by his family.

Sadly, such traumas never go away. But Billy has prevailed by giving us a lifetime of laughter. His countless fans will never stop chuckling over his oh-so-wise advice, such as: ‘Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. 

‘After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!’

Foolish Fergie claims she’s ‘the most persecuted woman in royal history’. Divorced from Prince Andrew 25 years ago but still living with him in his £15 million Royal Lodge in Windsor. Still using the title Duchess of York for her mostly disastrous commercial ventures. Surely she was misquoted. Most ‘parasitic’, not ‘persecuted’? 

What is not to love about the Wills and Kate Christmas card, a joyful family picture with their children? 

Prince William is second in line to the throne, yet happy to share his family with a grateful nation, while his brother Harry is yet to show any pictures of both his children.

Perhaps Harry is saving the precious photos for his book, an ‘intimate and heartfelt’ memoir due to be released next year to coincide with the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee. Or maybe he’s just sent them to Oprah Winfrey. 

When BBC Breakfast’s Dan Walker was voted off Strictly, he wept, saying of his ‘amazing’ dance partner, the sexy Nadiya Bychkova: ‘There are some people who walk into your life and turn some lights on, and that’s what she has done to me.’ 

So why won’t he be taking part in the show’s live 2022 tour?

Perhaps it’s because his wife of 20 years threatened to punch his lights out if he did.

When BBC Breakfast¿s Dan Walker was voted off Strictly (pictured), he wept, and called his sexy dance partner Nadiya Bychkova 'amazing'

Miss Bychkova made a brave appearance looking stunning in a strapless silk dress as she makes her final appearance on It Takes Two with her dance partner Dan Walker

When BBC Breakfast’s Dan Walker was voted off Strictly (left), he wept, and called his sexy dance partner Nadiya Bychkova ‘amazing’. Miss Bychkova made a brave appearance (right) looking stunning in a strapless silk dress as she makes her final appearance on It Takes Two with her dance partner Dan Walker

The revelation that Geronimo the alpaca was put down by Government vets despite not having bovine tuberculosis is heartbreaking proof that we animal-lovers always know what’s best for our pets. 

When I was told by a vet that my moggie Ted’s ears would have to be cut off because they had minor tumours, I said: ‘Over my dead body.’ 

A year later, Ted is happily alive, ears slightly awry, purring beside me as I write. 

Owner Helen Macdonald with her aplaca Geronimo, who was sentenced to death and executed

Owner Helen Macdonald with her aplaca Geronimo, who was sentenced to death and executed

Of his role as Phileas Fogg in the BBC adaptation of the Jules Verne novel Around The World In 80 Days, David Tennant says he addresses the ‘alarming nature of the British Empire’. Also, that he explores ‘the racial and sexual politics of Victorian England’.

Crikey, it’s just a daft story about an eccentric Englishman who took a wager in a gentleman’s club! What next, the achingly woke Tennant transitioning into a woman mid-Atlantic?

'Whatever Boris¿s failings, he has just become a dad again and Carrie has a new baby girl'

‘Whatever Boris’s failings, he has just become a dad again and Carrie has a new baby girl’

There is something horrible about the PM’s former adviser Dominic Cummings ranting yesterday on a blog that Boris ‘got a wrong’un pregnant’ and that marrying Carrie would lead to ‘inevitable disaster’ as she wants to ‘control the country’ through him. 

Whatever Boris’s failings, he’s just become a dad again and Carrie has a new baby girl. 

I’d say that Cummings of Barnard Castle is the ‘wrong’un’. 


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