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Stay-at-home-wife wannabe branded ‘lazy’ by partner

A husband sparked a debate after revealing he thinks his fiancée is ‘lazy’ for wanting to give up work to stay at home, even though they don’t have children. 

The 42-year-old man, thought to be from the US, revealed he and his 33-year-old fiancée were discussing wedding plans when she asked if he would mind if she stayed at home instead. 

The man earns about 40 per cent more than his partner but explained they rely on both incomes to sustain their lifestyle and would have to ‘scale back’ if she wanted to give up her job. For her part, the woman said ‘working a 9-5 just isn’t for me’. 

The unnamed man, thought to be American, revealed that he called his fiancée ‘lazy’ after she told him it was her ‘dream’ to be a stay-at-home wife

The unnamed man, thought to be American, revealed that he called his fiancée 'lazy' after she told him it was her 'dream' to be a stay-at-home wife

The unnamed man, thought to be American, revealed that he called his fiancée ‘lazy’ after she told him it was her ‘dream’ to be a stay-at-home wife

He went on to write that at that point, the pair started arguing, resulting in the woman leaving the home and going to her mother’s house. 

‘That divulged into a pretty heated argument,’ he said, ‘with her saying that I should “support her dreams” (she never stated what she wants to do with her staying at home, even though I did ask) so this is where I may be the a*****e – in the heat of the moment I said “where is this coming from, why is it your dream to be a stay-at-home wife? is it your dream to be lazy?”

‘She got really upset at that, and had gone to her mothers and said “we’ll talk more when you calm down”.’

He concluded: ‘I’ll be real here, I don’t want her to be a stay at home wife, I’m not okay with being the sole breadwinner, and I do not wish to support this “dream” – I want a partner in life, not a dependent doing nothing productive with their days.’    

Many Redditors agreed with him, with one writing: ‘NTA [not the a******]. I was a stay at home mom, and no one would have called my job easy. A stay at home wife? What in the world?

‘Does she… clean up after herself? Visit with friends? Ask her if your “dream” was to be a stay at home husband, could you do it? This is CRAZY! And if I was OP, I’d be rethinking getting married any time soon. If she doesn’t understand where he’s coming from, I’m betting she’ll just quit or get herself fired once they’re married.’ 

Another added: ‘Lol, “support her dreams”. If my husband had a dream to go back to college I would support that. If he had a dream to start his own business in an area he was passionate about I would support that. 

‘If he had a dream to sit on his a*** and play video games – be a ‘stay at home husband’ – he would soon be supporting my dream to be divorced. It sounds like you and your fiancée have very different values in life. NTA.’

Many of the respondents felt that the woman was being lazy wanting to stay at hone full-time, without having a job or children to look after

Many of the respondents felt that the woman was being lazy wanting to stay at hone full-time, without having a job or children to look after

A third felt the same, writing: ‘Agreed NTA. Does she want to start a business from home? Is she trying to become an artist and needs time to paint/sculpt/etc and build her network? 

‘Does she want to write a book? Become a famous YouTuber even? I would ask these questions and see what she wants to do with all the free time she suddenly has while not working.’ 

However, not everyone agreed, with some posters pointing out that having one partner being home full-time can work out well if both parties are happy with the arrangement.

One Redditor wrote: ‘Being a stay at home wife is not being a freeloader. Before my daughter was born I stayed at home and I took care of everything the house or pets needed. Cooked, cleaned, ran errands, managed the money, etc was all done by me. If there needed to be meetings and calls then I’d be the one to do it.’

Another agreed, saying: ‘If you’re actually as vigorous with the cleaning, shopping, prepping, cooking, managing the household budget, laundry, garden work, running errands etc. as you have the time to be it’s a lot of work. 

 

Multiple posters felt that being a stay-at-home partner is not lazy - and that maintaining and running a household can take as much work as a full-time job

Multiple posters felt that being a stay-at-home partner is not lazy – and that maintaining and running a household can take as much work as a full-time job

‘You’d do everyday what two people working full time could get done once a week at best such as cleaning the bathroom for one. It’s not a bad deal if you can afford it: one person gets to work from home so to speak and flexibility during the daytimes the other gets to go work and then come home and unwind and have food ready and no chores that need doing.’

Another pointed out that stay-at-home partners do a lot of work – it just isn’t paid. They wrote: ‘While I don’t take offence on your judgement, I disagree at the second part of your statement. 

‘Being a stay at home wife is not freeloading. They clean, they cook, they buy supplies and they keep the lawn pretty. These are tasks that you’d usually outsource to four separate household assistants, done by one person who doesn’t get any wage.’ 

Another concurred, adding: ‘Why do you assume that a stay-at-home wife does nothing productive with her days? That’s not true. 

‘Also, maybe her work environment is stressful, maybe the commute is stressful to her – have you asked her about these aspects? A partner in life doesn’t mean a partner in earning money. It means a companion to do things with.’ 

Some Redditors thought it was extremely weird that the woman had waited until the couple were engaged to share her dream of being a stay-at-home wife

Some Redditors thought it was extremely weird that the woman had waited until the couple were engaged to share her dream of being a stay-at-home wife


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