A woman who fell in love with her sperm donor who has fathered over 150 children has revealed that they’re expecting a boy at the end of October.
Ellie Ellison, 29, from Norwich and the father of her unborn child ‘Joe Donor’, 50, from Vermont, who conceals his real name, appeared on ITV’s This Morning via video link today – where Ellie explained how she saw the insemination as a ‘deposit’ rather than sexual encounter.
Speaking to presenters Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield, she detailed the moment Joe – then a stranger – came into the room to have sex with her and recalled: ‘I don’t like using the term “sex” although people will probably laugh – I didn’t see it as sexual encounter it was more of a “deposit.”
‘I didn’t want there to be any emotions. I didn’t even want to look at him. I just wanted to be inseminated. I was nervous slightly but I had gotten to know Joe and my partner had gotten to know Joe over a period of a few months before we met him. We knew a lot about his life, his history. So I got as much information as I could find.’
Ellie Ellison, from Norwich, who met the father of her unborn child ‘Joe Donor’, 50, from Vermont, who conceals his real name, appeared on ITV’s this morning via video link today and told how she saw the artificial insemination as a ‘deposit’ rather than sexual encounter
Ellie and Joe (pictured, right) spoke to presenters Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield and revealed they’re expecting a boy at the end of October
Already a mum at the time, mental health carer Ellie and her now ex-fiancé was trying for a second child and didn’t have much luck naturally conceiving so started looking at options of what was available.
Explaining why she didn’t choose to go to a regulated fertility clinic, Ellie explained: ‘They have a lot of regulations and rules. You have to have been trying for quite a long time.
‘Other people are in control of your journey. You have to have specific, it’s a lot easier to do it yourself and it’s a lot cheaper as well. We wanted to start straight away and not have a big delay.’
Host Phil went on to explain how Ellie’s ex-fiancé had a medical condition and low sperm count, before questioning how she had the conversation with him that she was going to go down the natural route.
‘When I was searching for a sperm donor we was doing it as a partnership,’ explained Ellie. ‘So me and my partner at the time were both looking online and we were both messaging. It wasn’t just me from my end doing it. I wanted to involve him the whole way.
Explaining why she didn’t choose to go to a regulated fertility clinic, Ellie (pictured, with Joe) explained: ‘They have a lot of regulations and rules. You have to have been trying for quite a long time
He was involved in all of the decisions, he knew all of the information. It was really just about time. I wasn’t sure I could even conceive.’
She continued: ‘I had a lot of problems myself conceiving the daughter I have now. It took well over a year-and-a-half and I started to think there was something wrong with me.
What are the laws on sperm donation?
Joe, who claimed all his efforts are considered legal, said that he’s at risk of any of the children he’s fathered contacting him despite often donating his sperm anonymously.
This is because he’s not making his donations through a registered US clinic, which protects the anonymity of their clients.
Unlike in the UK, fertility clinics are not bound by laws governing anonymity, meaning that donors can change their status whenever they like in the US.
They do not need the consent of parents and if they opt to remain anonymous then their identity can never be revealed.
In the UK, the law was changed in 2005 to allow children to request personal information about their sperm donor.
The US also has no limit to how many families can use one donor.
Donors are often paid or compensated and the US also doesn’t have any uniform regulation on a federal level.
‘So I was very surprised when it worked so quickly with a sperm donor because I was really expecting it to take a long, long time.’
The natural insemination didn’t work the first time, but a month later Ellie got back in contact and it did work a second time.
However, during the pregnancy, Ellie’s ex- fiancé decided it wasn’t for him.
‘There are many reasons for a relationship to break up,’ explained Phil. ‘There’s the pressure of pregnancy, pressure of getting to that pregnancy, or I suppose in your case, was there ever an element where he thought, is that baby not mine?’
‘No, actually when we decided to split up he found it quite difficult to accept the baby wasn’t his,’ said Ellie. ‘He was very much looking forward to being a dad and there’s a lot of guilt on my part that the relationship didn’t work out.
There were other private issues in his life that meant we couldn’t be together, as well as well as the stress, as well as me grieving for a miscarriage that I never had really because it turned out to be a good pregnancy.’
She added: ‘He wasn’t able to support me the way that I needed him to support me and we both kind of felt it’s just not going to work.’
Ellie reached out to her sperm donor, Joe.
‘The doctors said to me to assume it’s a miscarriage and if in a week’s time it’s good news then it’s good news,’ she explained. ‘But when you hear the negative you automatically think that’s it, I’m having a miscarriage.’
‘I said to him, “I’m sorry I think I’m having a miscarriage.” He said, “have you got support.” I said, “I’m on my own. My partner is staying with his brother and he’s too stressed about this and I’ve just been crying all day.” So he told me if I wanted him to, he’d come over.’
Presenter Holly went on to ask sperm donor Joe what it was about Ellie that appealed to him.
‘It’s a rare woman who is able to accept my chosen profession,’ he explained. ‘I’ve just decided it’s probably better for our relationship it’s best to hold off with the natural inseminations. It’s really about having a baby.’
‘Regardless of what method you use to make a child. Regardless of what agreements there is between donor and recipient, the child will have its own life and make its own life and decisions.
It’s quite possible I may have some type of relationship with the child in the future. So when she’s accepting me, she’s also accepting that. It’s the fact you can have this type of relationship with another person in addition to her. I think this is what’s the real concern.’