Paulina Porizkova has opened up about the ‘strangely energizing’ anger she feels following the death of her late husband Ric Ocasek, who cut her out of his will, as she vows to ‘move on’ while battling depression and anxiety.
The 55-year-old model took to Instagram on Monday to share a kaleidoscope-style photo of herself that was taken at the Museum of Illusions in New York City. In the caption, she admitted she is feeling angry but is starting to embrace it.
‘I hope your weekend was better than mine! Now, a rainy Monday — but I feel stronger. And angrier. I was brought up to fear anger,’ she wrote, recalling how some of her closest family members struggled with rage.
Honest: Paulina Porizkova, 55, opened up about the ‘strangely energizing’ anger she has been feeling while sharing a kaleidoscope-style photo of herself on Instagram
Complicated feelings: The Sports Illustrated star has been struggling with anger, depression, and anxiety since the death of her husband Ric, who passed away last year
‘My grandpa (whom I lived with as a child) was prone to giant fits of anger: I witnessed a few rages of flowerpots being tossed through closed windows — as grandma tried to catch them in the yard — and the time he chased her through the house with an axe is family legend,’ she shared.
‘My mom inherited his rage — and I learned to be very very careful. And that anger was an unpredictable, searing force that destroyed souls. Later, I also learned that nothing is as societally compromising as female anger.’
Paulina noted that a woman’s anger is often not taken seriously, explaining: ‘An angry woman seldom gets her way. Instead she’s ridiculed and shamed. Even with a lover, a partner, a husband, a man who loves her — her anger can be laughed at and diminished.
‘Now I come to find a dash of anger is strangely energizing,’ she added. ‘I’m MOVING ON, dammit.’
The Sports Illustrated star ended her post with a note about the kaleidoscope picture, saying it was taken by someone named Peter.
Memories: Paulina first met Ric on the set of The Cars’ music video for ‘Drive’ in 1985 and were together for three decades
Heartache: Paulina and Ric were separated at the time of his death, and The Cars frontman had cut her out of his will, claiming she ‘abandoned’ him. They’re pictured with their sons in 2016
‘Photo by Peter at a cool NYC museum — Museum of Illusions, where it’s all about perspective,’ she wrote. ‘I chose this photo to represent all the little fragments we are that comprise us as a whole. The potential for anger included. It may not be what we think it is or want it to be — but it’s beautiful nevertheless.’
Paulina has been experiencing waves of anger, depression, and anxiety since the death of her late husband Ric, who passed away in their shared Manhattan townhouse at the age of 75 on September 15, 2019.
She and The Cars frontman had two children together, sons Jonathan, 27, and Oliver, 22. They were married for three decades before they quietly separated in 2017, but they had not yet finalized their divorce when he passed away last year.
Before his death, Ric had cut his estranged wife out of his will, claiming that he was ‘abandoned’ by her.
‘I have made no provision for my wife Paulina Porizkova (‘Paulina’) as we are in the process of divorcing,’ the iconic singer said in his will, according to Page Six.
The rocker also left no provisions for his two eldest sons, Chris and Adam, from his previous marriage to his first wife Constance Campbell, but his other four children were all included.
Happy day: Paulina celebrated Thanksgiving at her home in upstate New York with her sons and author Nicolaia Rips (pictured), with whom she is close friends
Holiday spirit: The model posted a cheeky photo of herself wearing a novelty apron featuring a women’s lingerie-clad body, saying it was a ‘gift from my husband when he still liked me’
Paulina has been incredibly candid about her struggle to deal with her grief over Ric’s passing as well as her feelings of hurt and betrayal over his decision to cut her out of his will in the wake of their separation.
The couple was separated and going through a divorce when he died, but because they were not legally divorced, Paulina, as his widow, may be entitled under New York law to an ‘elective share’ of his estate.
Ric specifically addressed the rule in his will, stating: ‘Even if I should die before our divorce is final…Paulina is not entitled to any elective share…because she has abandoned me.’
However, unless it can be proven in court that she did abandon him, she will likely be entitled to a one-third share of the musician’s assets, which are listed as $5 million in ‘copyrights,’ $100,000 in ‘tangible personal property,’ and $15,000 in cash.
Earlier this month, Paulina admitted in a candid Instagram post that she blames herself for trusting Ric.
‘While my love for my husband was steady and my trust in him absolute, I was clearly delusional,’ she wrote. ‘I believed I knew him. I believed we had the same definition of “love.” Grieving him is an equal amount of heartbreak and rage.’
Big move: Ahead of Thanksgiving, she revealed she was apartment hunting in New York City, saying she found two rentals that she really liked
Looking to the future: Paulina said she is ‘moving on’ from her late husband’s betrayal
Paulina went on to address the state of her finances while she is in the process of legally contesting her late husband’s will.
‘If you follow me because the fall from supermodel to pauper makes me more relatable — also unfollow. I’m not penniless,’ she insisted. I’m not allowed to share my situation since we’re in litigation, but I’m still an incredibly privileged person with nothing to cry about except for my own stupidity.
‘This is what I have to face now. Myself. My mistakes. Of which there are many. And I have no doubt — if I’m lucky — I’ll make lots more,’ she ended her post, using the hashtag ‘#olderyetnotwiser.’
Paulina recently sold the Gramercy Park townhouse where she and Ric had lived with their children for the past three decades. Ahead of Thanksgiving, she revealed she was apartment hunting in New York City, saying she found two rentals that she really liked.
She stressed that she was not buying an apartment, but she admitted that she wishes she could.
‘I know NYC will come back better and stronger, as it always does. I moved to the city in 1982-83, and it reminds me of the city today,’ she wrote. ‘Things aren’t perfect. It’s a bit crimey. But it’s like no other city in the world.’
Saying goodbye: Paulina recently sold the Gramercy Park townhouse where she and Ric had lived with their children for the past three decades
Weary: Paulina revealed in a candid post in late October that she has been struggling with depression and anxiety
Paulina celebrated Thanksgiving at her home in upstate New York with her sons and author Nicolaia Rips, with whom she is close friends.
The day before the holiday, she posted a cheeky photo of herself cooking in comfy sweats paired with a novelty apron featuring a women’s lingerie-clad body.
‘Ooh baby, getting hot in the kitchen! For today’s #Wednesdaywearables I present my 10-year-old velour leisure wear from Athleta — yes, again — but this time accessorized with this slammin’ sexy apron, which may have been a joke gift from my husband when he still liked me,’ she captioned the image.
‘HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! I know I will be giving thanks for health and love — the only two things that really matter. (Oh, yeah, and my new apartment!)’
It’s been a difficult month for Paulina, who spent a week recharging at a spa after having a ‘nervous breakdown’ at an airport during a short-lived getaway with her sons.
She hit her breaking point when they landed in Costa Rica; she found out that her passport had expired and they had to return home immediately.
‘I had a total nervous breakdown in the airport, and they actually had to put me in a wheelchair to take me back to the plane, I was crying so hard I don’t even remember it,’ she shared at the time. ‘I think this will be a really funny story — soon.’